1st Draft 3.8.18

I have been known in my life to grab a hold of a definition that has been given to me by someone else and owning it. Told once that I looked good in hats, I took as an official edict of my attractiveness in headgear for all time. (but just to be clear, I do look amazing in hats) So, I know it is a delicate balance to wish some sort of definition on myself. But I have really want to be a mystic.

I read an article on female saints today. Uncompromising women who took oaths and saw visions. I want to be like that sometimes– to sit in contemplation of the Love of all loves, to see visions dance across my walls and to write great works for generations to unravel. Also, as far as I can tell all of them wore something on their heads. It seems like the perfect fit.

I am not a mystic saint, and certainly not one that will be canonized, or would fit any of the terms. Besides the obvious lack of Catholic devotion and still being alive and all, I have never performed a miracle and I have never been in a trance where I was wed to Christ or pierced through with arrows of holiness. Clearly, I am writing okay-works for instant consumption on the internet, so even that’s off the list. I did have a period of ecstasy with some queso and chips recently, but I digress. Mysticism has a place in nearly every world religion, it is a leading gift and yet a solitary one. It is a deep inward dive that listens for the voice of the Divine Love and through those images and experiences leads others toward Love–and who wouldn’t want that?

Mostly, I am not a mystic because, despite the fact that I am a very emotional person, my faith primarily runs through my intellect. I have studied Christian theology, I have read tomes from crusty scholars and written countless papers. (Plus this quiz online told me I am a sage, not a mystic, and clearly 15 questions can really get to the heart of my true self.) I think deeply about my faith, about how to explain to others how a multi-millennia old book has anything to say to actual millennials (and those other generations too), and to marry the deep rhythms of faith practice with work that makes faith alive.

I am exactly the woman I was created to be. I like to explore the ethics of why Jesus might have an opinion on your recycling or how your personal theology impacts the way you spend money, participate in your community, or treat your neighbor. I am not a mystic despite my best efforts to be silent and contemplative–and quite honestly when I engage in those practices I get twitchy or sleepy. Each person is called to live into the self we have been created as, and there is no shame in the kind of self we are. Not to say that sages, prophets or others should not engage in introspection and listening for the voice of God–we just don’t have to feel bad about it when we drift in thought to tacos or dancing or nod off to sleep. Sometimes, despite my best efforts, God interacts with me in a mystical way–but it is all God then and it is amazing–in those moments I am held in the hand of the Divine and clothed from head to toe in Love.

I know that there is a place in the universe for sages, plus if you do a quick perusal of google images brings up quite a few sages in hats.

via Daily Prompt: Uncompromising

Author: Gracie Rae

I am long on thoughts and short on attention. Writing is my attempt to create a discipline of thoughtfulness carried through.

One thought on “1st Draft 3.8.18”

  1. I love the message found in this draft. I felt like you were sharing this over coffee. It felt natural. I think the lighter topic allowed more of your humor and personality to shine through and I really enjoyed that… especially after the last draft.

    This sentence feels like it’s missing words… but maybe not? “Told once that I looked good in hats, I took as an official edict of my attractiveness in headgear for all time.” I mean, if I heard you say that (which I can in my head) it makes sense, but something about seeing it written makes me feel like it needs more. “I was told once that I looked good in hats, and I took it as an official edict of my….”

    I think I long for a definition of mystic. In the first paragraph, when you said you long to be a mystic, my mind didn’t immediately go to a female saint. I think you could benefit from describing a bit more upfront what you vision a mystic to be. Maybe the first sentence of the second paragraph defines mystic for you… maybe simply saying “I read an article about female mystic saints” could define enough for me? I get to were you are going, because in the third paragraph you tell me all the ways you aren’t a mystic saint, but I think there could be some development of how you see a mystic before you break down why you aren’t one. Or maybe what makes a mystic something you want to be may be a better angle? Just things to ponder here.

    What is the ultimate message here? Is it that you are exactly the woman God created you be? Or is it that even though you aren’t mystic, you love with God is mythical with you? Maybe it’s both? Maybe it’s neither. Writing doesn’t have to have just one point, and I am by no means saying it does. But this one left me wanting more at the end. Maybe I wanted more of a bow?

    Finally, your nod to chips and queso and the 15 minute quiz you took… pure brilliance. I love those little nuggets in your writing. It’s authentic to who you are!

    PS – I have always thought you looked amazing in hats! Something very few (if any) of my friends can pull of!


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